A quick dive into the “Humor for writing folder” produced these old one liners. They will seem familiar but your tired memory won’t be able to confirm it.
Feet up, Kick back, Stretch, Laugh.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A GENEALOGY ADDICT WHEN…
- You brake for libraries.
- You hyper ventilate at the sight of an old cemetery.
- You would rather browse in a cemetery than a shopping mall.
- You would rather read census schedules than a good book.
- You are more interested in what happened in 1697 than 1997.
- Moses, Dorcas, and Caleb are household names, but you cannot
remember what to call the dog.
- You can pinpoint Sewickely, McKeesport, Evans City, (PA) but can’t
locate your state capital on the map.
- You think every home should have a copier and a microfilm reader.
- You know every register of deeds in the state by name, but they
lock the doors when they see you coming.
- You store your clothes under the bed, because your closet is full
of books and papers.
- All your correspondence begins "Dear Cousin".
- You have traced every one of your ancestral lines back to Adam &
Eve, have it documented and still don’t want to quit.
A Little Office Fun
- Best excuses if the boss catches you sleeping at work
- "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
- This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last management course you sent me to.
- I was working smarter, not harder.
- "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper".
- "I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
- This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !
- I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
- I’m in the management training program.
- I was actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
- This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
- "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
- Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
- The coffee machine is broken….
- Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.
- Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!
- I was cross-training for telecommuting. (Next, I watch the Walton’s)
- Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
- Wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without hands.
- The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
- I thought you (boss) were gone for the day.
Thoughts of an idle mind
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
- There’s no future in time travel.
- Tonight’s weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
- Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
- DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Death is hereditary.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- Multitasking – screwing up several things at once.
- Dyslexics of the world, untie!
- Beat the 5 o’clock rush – Leave work at noon!
- I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
- Oh Lord, give me patience…and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
- A good pun is its own reword.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
- I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
- Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- To err is human, to moo bovine.
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
- MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten-year-old technology, tomorrow, maybe."
- How does Teflon stick to the pan?
- Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- There’s an exception to every rule, except this one.
- I was going to procrastinate, bu
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