As parents and grandparents, we all try to pass on our years of wisdom and superior knowledge to our descendants. This is a sample of the intelligence I’ve passed on to my own children and grandchildren:
- Barbie’s full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.
- It is impossible to lick your elbow.
- A crocodile can’t stick its tongue out.
- A shrimp’s heart is in their head.
- People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, you’re heart stops for a millisecond.
- In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).
- It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
- Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.
- By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at Primary school.
- On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
- More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
- Rats and horses can’t vomit.
- The "sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
- If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they will pop out.
- Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
- Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
- If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
- In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
- The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
- Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
- A duck’s quack doesn’t echo anywhere, and no one knows why.
- 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.
- In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
- Most lipstick contains fish scales.
- Cat’s urine glows under a black light.
- Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
- Now, how many of you tried to lick your elbow ???
Is any of this true? Mostly. Which items aren’t true? Well, I used to throw 24 dimes out into tall grass when I needed 30 minutes peace and told the kids there were 25. That logic still works with our visiting grandchildren that are all Very Smart and Very Attractive, just like yours but don’t have the attraction to small silver coins like their parents did at their age, hence lists like this with the injunction: “Prove me wrong kids.”
Earl in the Pickles comic strip usually exemplifies a grandfathers wisdom:
Copyright (c) Lee Drew 2011-05-26 13:45:00
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