I’m a frequent poster of tombstone photos to Find-a-grave. Many smaller cemeteries have few if any memorials the the FAG site. As often as I can, I take photos of every tombstone in these cemeteries and post them complete with memorials on the Find-a-grave site so others who can’t travel to the cemetery will have the information and photos for their research.
Up until the last year, almost all of the users of Find-a-grave have been wonderfully helpful and congenial, but during the last twelve months, I’ve noticed that attitude is sinking faster than the U.S. economy.
In the past, I’ve been happy to create links, confirm information and transfer records that don’t tie to my family to the folks who do have family ties to the person in a FAG memorial I’ve created. Now, the majority of the FAG notes I receive from others are basically harsh demands that I immediately surrender any and all records of a certain surname to the requester. Some of them even chastise me for ever having created the record (i.e. You shouldn’t have taken a photo of MY Families tombstones let alone create a FAG record for them).
It doesn’t matter that I created the records eight or more years ago in many cases. They say that I’ve “infringed” on their ‘Rights’ as a family member to take the photos and create the records themselves.
Frequently, when I can get them to answer a question of how they are related to the person(s) in the memorial, I find that they are no more than second or third cousins or that they want all records with a certain surname so they can create a one-name-study on Find-a-grave of everyone in the United States with that name.
“What? You send me nasty notes and aren’t any more closely related to the folks than I am?”
I’ve become very selective about transferring memorials to anyone other than a direct
descendant of the person in the requested record after being ‘burned’ a number of times in the last year.
Old friends have contacted me and said, “You created my parents / grandparents / family memorial on Find-a-grave but you transferred it to “X” person and we don’t even know who they are. Now, they won’t transfer It to me!” This situation is especially disturbing to me when they are talking about their parents and grandparents records.
From the start, I’ve always intended to transfer the records I’ve created on FAG to the descendants of the person in the memorial when they started doing genealogy research themselves and subsequently found the Find-a-grave record for their relation. The proclivity to genealogical research and activities like posting photos on Find-a-grave simply started earlier in my life than in theirs, hence I became the person to create the memorials.
I love the records created by users of Find-a-grave. The work of others has not only saved me a lot of time in my own research, but in many cases, has given me information and tombstone photos that I probably wouldn’t have found otherwise.
Some folks use Find-a-grave as their only genealogy database. They’ve told me that they don’t keep their data in a genealogy database on their computers. I think that is decision wrong for many reasons, but at least they are taking the time to add information and photos to the memorials on Find-a-grave thus making it a much richer experience for others to enjoy.
As in the past, I’ll happily add information , add family links, etc., to any memorials that I can’t transfer for the above stated reasons.
To those of you who will undoubtedly make transfer demands in the future, don’t waste your time unless you have a close lineal relationship to the requested person or have a good reason to want to manage the memorial. I created the records for their families, not for scalpers and hoarders. Be prepared to hear “NO” in the most pleasant terms I can think of.
If nasty requests continue after that, just assume that I’ve marked your email address as trash and have set up a rule to immediately send notes from you to the round file rather than to my inbox.
To anyone asking others to transfer FAG memorials to them for management, ask pleasantly. Common courtesy goes a long way in creating friends and eliciting a response from others. Surely, you use pleasant language when you talk face-to-face with others. That rule should be even more true when communicating via text in an email. Body language and voice inflections are non-existent in them and your ‘folksy’ way of speaking probably won’t translate well in text.
Always remember to say thanks!
Lastly, some of my best genealogy ‘friends’ have come from Find-a-grave contacts. I think you’ll find the same thing to be true as you interact with other users of the site over time. Don’t loose them as friends before a friendship can even develop because of the ‘timbre’ of your voice in your written communications.
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Wow! Why in the world are people so nasty? You would think they would be happy that you took the time and effort to place the memorial online.
It truly is a shame that folks out there would be so rude instead of grateful. I’ve been so pleased to find information on findagrave that I may never have come across any other way, or it may have taken forever to find. I came across my great-great-grandmother’s memorial on findagrave & I had previously not known where she was buried. I’m not sure I would have otherwise found out her resting place except for a kind soul who posted the information.
Hi Lee!
It’s great that genealogy is becoming the “in” thing–what better interest to have than to research your ancestors??!! The unfortunate thing about genealogical information becoming so much more accessible on the internet is that–like so many other internet-related activities–it’s yet another way for people to show their–shall I say ignorant?–side. How wonderful to be able to access this information, and how sad to criticize the hard work of someone knowledgable like you, when they should be saying a hearty “thank you”!
Jan
interesting to read. I appreciate your perspective. My experience there was to find a wrong listing for a direct ancestor (who I knew personally) and put up instead the right gravesite, with a picture of that and the person, and thinking I was polite, I in a very friendly manner sent a message to the person who had the original wrong grave (and 38000 other memorials, none with photos–she’d obviously just cribbed lists from real genealogical workers) and I got back a hideously nasty note demanding I shut down the correct information immediately and demanding I give her my photos. So I shut down the site, and the photos are gone, and no one will now be able to see them. I also learned there are crazy greedy people there (and greedy about what? To what end? and won’t put any more memorials up. Rudeness costs everyone.
Sara (or is it Wendy), would you like to me to post that “hideously nasty note” here? This is the third web-site I’ve found on which you have posted your skewed version of what really happened. Yes, my memorial was in the wrong cemetery – as I explained in the Find A Grave Forums, it was an understandable error (where her 2nd husband was buried rather than where the 1st husband was buried). You keep saying that I have not posted any photos. That is an outright lie. I most certainly have. I suppose by overstating the number of memorials I’ve posted, you think I won’t recognize the situation (funny thing, you posted all these complaints on 8/18/2011). You keep saying I demanded you give me your photos. Again, that is not even remotely true. I told you what “needed” to be done, according to the site guidelines (the duplicate deleted and the photo added to the original). You had been a member for only a few days and it is painfully obvious you did not read the FAQs.
And, in your ONE message to me, not only did you NOT mention your relationship, you stated had “utterly zero proprietary feeling about my handful of memorials”. Apparently that was yet another misstatement.
LineageKeeper – obviously, I share your frustration…with those who want every memorial that’s a leaf in their tree transferred to them and also with those like Sara/Wendy above…
Mistakes happen. IF you had taken a read of the site rules you would have understood how the site works and you would have known how to handle making a memorial when there was one that already existed. If it was in the wrong cemetery you should have contacted the contributor. Told them what you knew. Had them move the memorials and THEN if the person was within findagrave guidelines for a transfer, asked for a transfer of the original memorial.
I do believe you have left out a few important details in this report. Having heard other rants by you against this contributor.
Keep in mind new members will not know the site etiquette. If they use the comment section to make a transfer request, don’t yell at them. Nothing on the edit tab says “transfer” on it. It doesn’t say so in the FAQ either. Also it feels strange to a family member to see a stranger has made a memorial page for their loved one.
I don’t understand why someone would hang onto a page if they are not related and the person asking, is. You mention spouse or grandfather. You should know the site will enforce their rules on those pages. Bit of a straw man argument you made there. I frequently find the ones who won’t transfer to anyone unless forced to, are hoarders with thousands and thousands of pages. They usually just copy and paste from online and leave the rest blank. They’d rather sit on a blank page than let anyone else have it.
“Stop hoarding”, If someone new has not yet learned the site etiquette, perhaps they should not be wanting transfers until they do. And yes, the FAQs do address transfers. It would appear you are either using a strawman argument yourself or deliberately spreading false information.
Contrary to your experience, the contributors with “thousands and thousands” of memorials are, by far, the most responsive to the suggestions I submit. The ones with few memorials, usually only their own family, are the least likely and yet, they want transfers of their 2nd cousin 4 times removed. What do they add when they get the transfer? Links. Doesn’t exactly qualify for the “extensive changes” required in the Transfer FAQ.